TALKING WITH JENNA MCDOUGALL

Lead singer of Tonight Alive Jenna McDougall, has done the hard yards when it comes to touring. With a couple of albums under her belt, she has co-written with artists such as Corey Taylor and Lynn Gunn, as well has recording catchy tracks with ILLY and Parkway Drive. Jen has spent a great deal of time in the studio and on the road over the last couple of years touring Europe, America and Australia playing headline shows and festivals such as Slam Dunk, UNIFY Gathering, Soundwave and Warped Tour (just to name a few).

After Tonight Alive decided to take some time off from touring earlier this year, Jen has been grounding and focusing on her well-being. In this Q & A, she touches on late 20s-existential dread, using oracle cards, drug culture and creating peace for yourself whilst on the road. I found these answers really insightful, helpful and enlightening. She gives some sound relationship advice, as well as delving into how it really feels in that gap between tours.

What are your travel essentials for a long tour? What do you bring with you that gives you comfort, helps you be productive, or helps your health on the road?

"No matter what I always have a journal with me on tour. I might go weeks without using it but it can be a really grounding and wholesome experience to curl up in my bunk and write instead of going out after a show; or find a really sweet cafe or place with a view to reflect during the day. You’re constantly in public places on tour with little to no privacy so this is something that transports me to a zone that totally belongs to me. I also love keeping a couple of decks of oracle cards with me on tour. Another nice way to tune in and get perspective!"

In the past, what aspects of touring have taken a toll on your body? What made you keep going and what solutions did you find?

"I think the physicality of performance, mixed with lack of sanctuary and the option to recover really strains my muscles. Over the years I’ve learned to sleep with a hot water bottle, always have tiger balm handy, stretch out on a yoga mat most days, drink magnesium supplements and make time for getting acupuncture/massages. For mental health, head phones are everything! Peace doesn’t really exist on tour, you have to create it for yourself. I love doing yoga nidra guided meditations, highly recommend to anyone!"

You’ve been touring for nearly 10 years now and are well accustomed to life on the road. You know what to expect and I’m sure you’ve also experienced some highs and lows. Looking back on all your time spent travelling, have you picked up any routines or habits that have impacted your well-being and that have impacted your ability to cope with life on the road in a positive way when you are struggling?

"I think I've learned from touring more than anything else in my life how to communicate more effectively, but only that’s only been in the last couple of years and most prominently through crisis. Sharing a life path, business and living space with a group of people is both connective and challenging. In small quarters your pain and frustration can be felt by everyone around you. So in 2017 when everything was imploding, between relationship breakups, a member leaving the band, health issues and late 20’s existential dread, all whilst being on the road together, my band really didn’t have much choice left but to make a proper attempt at transparency. It was and continues to be a great practice for honesty in all other areas of my life. Bare-all conversations are confronting for anyone, but when you’re going on stage and sleeping in bunks next to each other the same day, it adds a whole new element. I’m proud of the work we did to get through some pretty heavy times together! The deepening and maintenance of my relationships within the band consequently taught me a lot about surrender, leaning into your pain and reaching out for help."

Navigating a relationship whilst touring for long periods of time can be hard for the most part. Whether your partner is with you on the road or back home, what are some things that you do that you find are crucial to encouraging a healthy relationship?

"In my experience, a partner wants to feel a mix of freedom and support whether they are home or away. I think that requires a level of engagement with where they are (physically and emotionally) and being understanding when time zones/commitments/or a need for time out have to be factored into your communication style. If there is a partner who is off tour while the other is on, I find their roll becomes the grounding force, something familiar and soothing for the touring partner. This isn’t always required but sometimes heavily so. Also the lifestyle of the partner on tour isn’t always relatable to the partner off tour, so it’s easy to misunderstand each other and be unintentionally insensitive. Basically forgiveness of the little things is super important! On the pragmatic side of things, I’ve found it helpful to have a loose routine with phone calls."

The gap in-between tours can be a massive head fuck. You’re basically put on pause and live waiting for the next tour. Sometimes the period of time between tours is small, so you can’t just pick up another job, which can be hard if you’re living off the income from your tour. Other times the gap is long, and you find yourself having to try and fit back into a ‘normal’ society and way of living. What is your outlook on these periods and how do you face them? What are some of your feelings around this time?

"These are some of the most difficult times for me in which I can grow to feel absolutely lost and purposeless. Despite having the next 9 months of touring booked you will hear from multiple people “Are you looking for a job?” “What are you going to do with all this time on your hands?” as if it wasn’t already difficult enough to accept the time off you have as a break. My experience with touring and making records has been a constant future-based mindset, where you are hardly ever present, except for when you’re on stage. Touring creates this strange momentum in your life where you’re never still. So it’s a huge shock to the system going home. Another difficult aspect of time off is when the break is only long enough to physically/mentally/financially recover before being back in rehearsal and preparing to leave again. You get restless, you feel isolated, you’re scrambling for money, very few people understand what you’re going through because in their eyes your life is a holiday. You can see why staying on the road becomes addictive, but at the same time it depletes you and your love for it can become compromised. It’s weirdly self destructive, yet the only place you feel safe. I’m really happy to currently be on a touring hiatus though. My band has never taken a deliberate break until this year. The longest gap between tours we’ve ever had was 2 months long, since 2011. I realise I’ve only offered the negative perspective on this topic so far, but the only thing I can do to counteract these feelings for me is just fully committing to wellness, which is a big passion of mine! Being off the road gives you the chance to enjoy cooking for yourself, seeing sunsets, sunrises, visiting the ocean, bushwalking, having quality time with your family and if you pull it off, actually being somewhat stable! It’s been a challenge to master that.

Drug culture in the music industry is ever changing but also the same, especially in specific genres. How have you seen it change over the years, and how have you seen it impact people in negative/positive ways?

"I suppose the older we got, the more we saw of drug culture in music. The more tired or in some form of denial that people are, the more they depend on substances to mask the pain. It’s massively encouraged though. At least drinking is, with getting a rider everyday and playing in venues that have bars. For the attendants of the show it’s a one-off night-out in their week. For the performers it’s an everyday reality. My perspective is that if you don’t know how to look after yourself in a real and sustainable way, or don’t make it a priority, the touring lifestyle can be really dangerous for a lot of us. I don’t think it’s something that should be taken lightly. Having personal routines and protocols outside of the show requirements is pretty critical. Unfortunately a lot of us started touring at a young age, so in the beginning it’s all fun and games. I just think it’s hard to grow up when you’re living in an alternate reality that was literally your childhood or teenage dream. So there’s a strange chase that never stops for some people."

Being the front woman of a band is a pretty kick-ass position. Being in a mainly male dominated industry, what are some of the struggles or situations you’ve been in that have made your skin thicker that men might not normally have to face?

"The first thing that comes to mind is image-related issues. I know men who have faced their own battles with it too, but I honestly feel like my self-perception became so warped because of the intense focus on beauty in the industry. A lot of people (mostly men) had way too much to say about the way I dressed and did my hair and being so young at the time I didn’t know it wasn’t any one else’s business. One thing I’m proud of maintaining is that I was very adamant about never wanting to be sexualised or objectified in any way so I always dressed androgynously. But the insecurities that developed from the lifestyle of being a public performer and “brand” in a way, eventually forced me to know myself more intimately and learn how to set and state boundaries and ultimately become a very assertive individual."

Being in a band can be hard financially at times. When you see other musicians that are broke or struggling, what makes you keep going? What is still rewarding for you at this stage in your music career?

"The potential to be original while creating something that moves and motivates people towards self improvement is what makes me keep going. I want to offer a healing experience to myself and the listener through my songs. I also don’t feel like I’ve peaked creatively yet. I think Tonight Alive tapped into something really special over the years and it’s completely shaped who I am, but I’m only refining my vision more and it makes me hungry for the future. I want the richer, realer, darker, lighter, deeper, higher experience of all of it. I’m an absolute junkie for the high of doing something meaningful!"